I have recognized this term recently but know that others have picked up on it too. This one term may be the key to waking up the Christian community at large to the pervasive problem within the leadership of churches.
I notice a ground swell of information that is giving people the tools to recognize the abuse and attempt to break free from it. I also notice that no one person seems to be responsible for it.
Anytime I see a movement like this it is a strong indication to me that the holy spirit is at work and preparing his people. For what, I am not sure. It is very exciting though.
I have been writing various blogs and expounding my thoughts in my own corner of the blogosphere whilst others have been doing the same. The amazing thing is the similarity in thought and the cohesion although not speaking or reading the other works.
I am proud to be able to write about these things and be able to save some who may listen to me.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Escaping spiritual abuse
Leaving a spiritually abusive church is one of the most difficult and stress inducing decisions a person can make. It ranks right up there with experiencing the death of a loved one. Especially if you are alone when you do it.
The difficulty is in the degree of restrictiveness of the church. The more restrictive the greater the chance of depression or even a return to what you left behind.
The penalties for misbehavior are usually not as obvious as in other types of abuse. The penalties attempt to damage your character and demean you. In some cases make you less than human. The worse part is the effects of group guilt.
Group guilt can in turn keep people in line by echoing the source of guilt so that it is reinforced time and time again. When a person recognizes this although not knowing what to call it, they stand out like a sore thumb and are now subject to ridicule from the group at large for no longer being submissive. This will either guilt them back into the group or the person will spin out of the group taking the full onslaught of damages with them.
Damages can include loss of privileges, damaged relationships, loss of job, loss of family, character assassination, disrespect, isolation, and/or depression.
More than likely the person experiencing this has no other friends he has made except those among the church. He takes a chance on stepping away from all of that and relying solely on what little faith he has.
I see more successes based on that little bit of faith than on the faith espoused by the mega churches. That little bit of faith can gain a person freedom from tyranny. Jesus already tells us that we may lose mothers father brothers for the sake of him but get it all back.
When you think about it. Wasn't Jesus himself subject to severe abuse from the perspective of his own people. From the perspective of the Jewish leaders it was discipline and order keeping. Were not some of the very people related to him supporting his crucifixion? Satan truly blinds the minds of the unbelievers by shrouding it in the subtle mental gymnastics of spiritual abuse.
To escape it, you will pay a price. It may be family, friends, or status. Jesus already said that if you give up these things for his sake you will get it all back. Above all look toward the freedom you will get for just being able to think for yourself and to now grow in knowledge the way you were supposed to.
The difficulty is in the degree of restrictiveness of the church. The more restrictive the greater the chance of depression or even a return to what you left behind.
The penalties for misbehavior are usually not as obvious as in other types of abuse. The penalties attempt to damage your character and demean you. In some cases make you less than human. The worse part is the effects of group guilt.
Group guilt can in turn keep people in line by echoing the source of guilt so that it is reinforced time and time again. When a person recognizes this although not knowing what to call it, they stand out like a sore thumb and are now subject to ridicule from the group at large for no longer being submissive. This will either guilt them back into the group or the person will spin out of the group taking the full onslaught of damages with them.
Damages can include loss of privileges, damaged relationships, loss of job, loss of family, character assassination, disrespect, isolation, and/or depression.
More than likely the person experiencing this has no other friends he has made except those among the church. He takes a chance on stepping away from all of that and relying solely on what little faith he has.
I see more successes based on that little bit of faith than on the faith espoused by the mega churches. That little bit of faith can gain a person freedom from tyranny. Jesus already tells us that we may lose mothers father brothers for the sake of him but get it all back.
When you think about it. Wasn't Jesus himself subject to severe abuse from the perspective of his own people. From the perspective of the Jewish leaders it was discipline and order keeping. Were not some of the very people related to him supporting his crucifixion? Satan truly blinds the minds of the unbelievers by shrouding it in the subtle mental gymnastics of spiritual abuse.
To escape it, you will pay a price. It may be family, friends, or status. Jesus already said that if you give up these things for his sake you will get it all back. Above all look toward the freedom you will get for just being able to think for yourself and to now grow in knowledge the way you were supposed to.
The 5 symptoms of spiritual abuse. Part 2.
I will flush out each symptom and relate it to how Jesus helps us with each.
Spiritual guilt: Jesus was completely guilt free. Jesus was chastised by the religious leaders for many of the things he did because the religious leaders were never called on their abusive behavior until Jesus told them about themselves. Jesus gave us some very simple things within his sermon on the mount. The first words were to provide immediate relief from the abuse. Happy are those conscious of their spiritual need... Matthew 5:3
An abused individual has everything stripped away from them; from dignity to physical things. A spiritually abused person has everything spiritual stripped away and replaced with the church's structure. It is sometimes to such a degree that the abused may not be able to see themselves outside of the structure of their group or church. The abused may ask themselves, "Where will I go?" Jesus provides the basis to build upon which is the acknowledgment of a spiritual need. It is baby steps but look what you get in return. The kingdom of God. What a huge benefit for just changing your state of mind.
Low spiritual confidence is a heavy burden that doesn't need to be placed on the backs of anyone. It comes directly from the pompous statements of those who think they are superior in knowledge and influence. Without speech that virtually labels you impaired, you would thrive. Jesus again mentions, Happy are those hungering and thirsting for righteousness, since they will be filled. I don't care how many degrees or prominent friends you have. If your experiences and education do not lead you toward the path of righteousness, you have wasted your time for righteousness sake. You will have some nice photos and shiny plaques to show but that would be about it. Credentials mean nothing to Christ and thus should not place any sort of fear into his sheep when hearing about them. Matthew 5:6
Loss of individuality: Deciding to buy an economical car in a jazzy red color can lead a person, within a strict spiritual structure, down a path that includes being labeled weak in faith, materialistic, back slider, all sorts of names. The abused may even determine its just too hard to keep fighting the looks and whispers so turns the red car in for a less appealing color. This is just an example of how individualism is looked down upon. The reaction to stepping outside of accepted standards, especially when it is questioning those standards, may include anything from cooling of friendships to outright snubbing. If the church leadership is involved this may even include some sort of counseling or shunning. The affect of this underlying pressure is that the abused is aligned to meet the standards of an accepted ideal. The church will then insert Jesus name here. In contrast, Jesus welcomed individuality. Look at the different bible writers and their different backgrounds and points of views. A very good example of this is Paul. He did not have the background of the apostles. His background was more Roman which allowed him a wider aspect of the effect of Jesus life and death upon mankind. Even after he was completing missionary assignments the Jewish Christians still questioned his intentions. Paul was definitely an individual that sat between two worlds. Does this mean that everyone should mimic Paul? No, your individual likes and dislikes are your personal gifts that will make you effective in your own ministry. Everyone can minister to another in their own special way. Being an individual is your strength. This is why it is beneficial to a controlling church to take away your individuality so that you are not strong enough to question things.
A hierarchy is simply a tool that helps to manage groups of people. For example, to distribute food to a large group of people, it may be more efficient to have one person represent a smaller portion of the larger group. In essence one person has been placed over the affairs of a few. Imagine a pyramid. In this scenario the one in charge will get food to all of the people assigned to him. This is good on paper but in practice a hierarchy can become the hidden devil in the details. The person in charge should be unbiased but one of the people he is over is his girlfriend's family he is trying to impress or his father and mother; who are seeing him in a position of oversight for the first time. The opportunity to do something unfair seems to multiply. This is just for food distribution. What if a hierarchy was applied to spiritual matters? No need to imagine. It is already involved in all religions and because of it, Jesus' intentions are turned upside down. Jesus wants us to serve each other not be lords over each other. He said that this should not be the way among his sheep. This is why a hierarchical arrangement was never to be a part of worship. Especially since the new covenant in line with Jesus sacrifice is in place.
The effects of all of these together is such a potent mix that most people will find it difficult to recognize much less break free from it. It is near impossible without help. Your help is the holy spirit by the blood of Jesus.
I know it seems cliche to say it but it is true. The only way to break out of the tyranical heirarchical structure of anything is recognize that the structure itself is fleshly, unchristian, and a machination of the devil. The control of humans en mass is strictly demonic.
Look at it like the diagram of a pyramid. If a fleshly, heirarchical structure is a pyramid, then what does a spiritual structure resemble? Turn the pyramid upside down. Now keep in mind that Jesus is the corner stone.
In the original pyramid we must climb over people and circumstances to rise to the top. Climb the ladder. Rise above. Shoot for the moon. All of these statements and more are very familiar to our ears because this is the spirit of the world en mass. The spirit of the world is in the power of the wicked one as well.
In the upside down pyramid we look at things very differently. It is not about how high above we can get it is how humble can we become. Jesus being the most humble is at the very bottom supporting all of mankind on his shoulders. This is why he is the chief corner stone. He supports it all. This is why he should play such an important role in our lives. This is also why he had to die for all mankind to obtain that opportunity.
Well how do we access it? If we were to try to reach up to Jesus spiritually, he won't be there. He is supporting us from below. We won't be reaching down to him either because we are not trying to pull him up nor is he going to pull us down to him; he already is supporting us. So how do we get closer to him or become more Christlike. We have to support our neighbors on our shoulders. We must love our neighbors as ourselves. We must provide gifts of mercy. We must be the blessing in our family's and communities lives. We must become selfless. We must show kindness, mercy, love, etc. We must be willing to serve others.
I am sure you have heard these things before in sermons and talks. Most times it is put in context of the original pyramid. So to speak: You do these things and you will be better than your neighbor and from your example maybe they will receive blessings. Correct action but wrong spirit. You have to be selfless in being kind without looking for any gain or return. This is how to be Christlike. We have to move ourselves from the perspective of being better or over our neighbor in anyway to being supportive of them.
A great example is found at Matthew 8:5-13;
5When Jesus had entered Capernaum, a centurion came to him, asking for help. 6"Lord," he said, "my servant lies at home paralyzed and in terrible suffering."
7Jesus said to him, "I will go and heal him."
8The centurion replied, "Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed. 9For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, 'Go,' and he goes; and that one, 'Come,' and he comes. I say to my servant, 'Do this,' and he does it."
10When Jesus heard this, he was astonished and said to those following him, "I tell you the truth, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith. 11I say to you that many will come from the east and the west, and will take their places at the feast with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven. 12But the subjects of the kingdom will be thrown outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth."
13Then Jesus said to the centurion, "Go! It will be done just as you believed it would." And his servant was healed at that very hour.
The centurion is like a military officer. Why do you think Jesus was astonished? The centurion was humble although being in a position of authority. He almost seemed to dread the authority. Jesus responded with indicating that there will be those that will take authoritative stations within the kingdom of heaven that will be thrown outside.
Many of the churches today rely on this hierarchical system of management toiling there way to be most righteous among men. It is wrong and doesn't belong.
To sum up, Jesus releases us from the spiritual abuse that takes place on so many levels. He is the only one who can because his system, his way, his love is already set up to do it. We just have to be aware that we need to be saved. Stop being abused and help others to stop being abused.
Spiritual guilt: Jesus was completely guilt free. Jesus was chastised by the religious leaders for many of the things he did because the religious leaders were never called on their abusive behavior until Jesus told them about themselves. Jesus gave us some very simple things within his sermon on the mount. The first words were to provide immediate relief from the abuse. Happy are those conscious of their spiritual need... Matthew 5:3
An abused individual has everything stripped away from them; from dignity to physical things. A spiritually abused person has everything spiritual stripped away and replaced with the church's structure. It is sometimes to such a degree that the abused may not be able to see themselves outside of the structure of their group or church. The abused may ask themselves, "Where will I go?" Jesus provides the basis to build upon which is the acknowledgment of a spiritual need. It is baby steps but look what you get in return. The kingdom of God. What a huge benefit for just changing your state of mind.
Low spiritual confidence is a heavy burden that doesn't need to be placed on the backs of anyone. It comes directly from the pompous statements of those who think they are superior in knowledge and influence. Without speech that virtually labels you impaired, you would thrive. Jesus again mentions, Happy are those hungering and thirsting for righteousness, since they will be filled. I don't care how many degrees or prominent friends you have. If your experiences and education do not lead you toward the path of righteousness, you have wasted your time for righteousness sake. You will have some nice photos and shiny plaques to show but that would be about it. Credentials mean nothing to Christ and thus should not place any sort of fear into his sheep when hearing about them. Matthew 5:6
Loss of individuality: Deciding to buy an economical car in a jazzy red color can lead a person, within a strict spiritual structure, down a path that includes being labeled weak in faith, materialistic, back slider, all sorts of names. The abused may even determine its just too hard to keep fighting the looks and whispers so turns the red car in for a less appealing color. This is just an example of how individualism is looked down upon. The reaction to stepping outside of accepted standards, especially when it is questioning those standards, may include anything from cooling of friendships to outright snubbing. If the church leadership is involved this may even include some sort of counseling or shunning. The affect of this underlying pressure is that the abused is aligned to meet the standards of an accepted ideal. The church will then insert Jesus name here. In contrast, Jesus welcomed individuality. Look at the different bible writers and their different backgrounds and points of views. A very good example of this is Paul. He did not have the background of the apostles. His background was more Roman which allowed him a wider aspect of the effect of Jesus life and death upon mankind. Even after he was completing missionary assignments the Jewish Christians still questioned his intentions. Paul was definitely an individual that sat between two worlds. Does this mean that everyone should mimic Paul? No, your individual likes and dislikes are your personal gifts that will make you effective in your own ministry. Everyone can minister to another in their own special way. Being an individual is your strength. This is why it is beneficial to a controlling church to take away your individuality so that you are not strong enough to question things.
A hierarchy is simply a tool that helps to manage groups of people. For example, to distribute food to a large group of people, it may be more efficient to have one person represent a smaller portion of the larger group. In essence one person has been placed over the affairs of a few. Imagine a pyramid. In this scenario the one in charge will get food to all of the people assigned to him. This is good on paper but in practice a hierarchy can become the hidden devil in the details. The person in charge should be unbiased but one of the people he is over is his girlfriend's family he is trying to impress or his father and mother; who are seeing him in a position of oversight for the first time. The opportunity to do something unfair seems to multiply. This is just for food distribution. What if a hierarchy was applied to spiritual matters? No need to imagine. It is already involved in all religions and because of it, Jesus' intentions are turned upside down. Jesus wants us to serve each other not be lords over each other. He said that this should not be the way among his sheep. This is why a hierarchical arrangement was never to be a part of worship. Especially since the new covenant in line with Jesus sacrifice is in place.
The effects of all of these together is such a potent mix that most people will find it difficult to recognize much less break free from it. It is near impossible without help. Your help is the holy spirit by the blood of Jesus.
I know it seems cliche to say it but it is true. The only way to break out of the tyranical heirarchical structure of anything is recognize that the structure itself is fleshly, unchristian, and a machination of the devil. The control of humans en mass is strictly demonic.
Look at it like the diagram of a pyramid. If a fleshly, heirarchical structure is a pyramid, then what does a spiritual structure resemble? Turn the pyramid upside down. Now keep in mind that Jesus is the corner stone.
In the original pyramid we must climb over people and circumstances to rise to the top. Climb the ladder. Rise above. Shoot for the moon. All of these statements and more are very familiar to our ears because this is the spirit of the world en mass. The spirit of the world is in the power of the wicked one as well.
In the upside down pyramid we look at things very differently. It is not about how high above we can get it is how humble can we become. Jesus being the most humble is at the very bottom supporting all of mankind on his shoulders. This is why he is the chief corner stone. He supports it all. This is why he should play such an important role in our lives. This is also why he had to die for all mankind to obtain that opportunity.
Well how do we access it? If we were to try to reach up to Jesus spiritually, he won't be there. He is supporting us from below. We won't be reaching down to him either because we are not trying to pull him up nor is he going to pull us down to him; he already is supporting us. So how do we get closer to him or become more Christlike. We have to support our neighbors on our shoulders. We must love our neighbors as ourselves. We must provide gifts of mercy. We must be the blessing in our family's and communities lives. We must become selfless. We must show kindness, mercy, love, etc. We must be willing to serve others.
I am sure you have heard these things before in sermons and talks. Most times it is put in context of the original pyramid. So to speak: You do these things and you will be better than your neighbor and from your example maybe they will receive blessings. Correct action but wrong spirit. You have to be selfless in being kind without looking for any gain or return. This is how to be Christlike. We have to move ourselves from the perspective of being better or over our neighbor in anyway to being supportive of them.
A great example is found at Matthew 8:5-13;
5When Jesus had entered Capernaum, a centurion came to him, asking for help. 6"Lord," he said, "my servant lies at home paralyzed and in terrible suffering."
7Jesus said to him, "I will go and heal him."
8The centurion replied, "Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed. 9For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, 'Go,' and he goes; and that one, 'Come,' and he comes. I say to my servant, 'Do this,' and he does it."
10When Jesus heard this, he was astonished and said to those following him, "I tell you the truth, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith. 11I say to you that many will come from the east and the west, and will take their places at the feast with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven. 12But the subjects of the kingdom will be thrown outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth."
13Then Jesus said to the centurion, "Go! It will be done just as you believed it would." And his servant was healed at that very hour.
The centurion is like a military officer. Why do you think Jesus was astonished? The centurion was humble although being in a position of authority. He almost seemed to dread the authority. Jesus responded with indicating that there will be those that will take authoritative stations within the kingdom of heaven that will be thrown outside.
Many of the churches today rely on this hierarchical system of management toiling there way to be most righteous among men. It is wrong and doesn't belong.
To sum up, Jesus releases us from the spiritual abuse that takes place on so many levels. He is the only one who can because his system, his way, his love is already set up to do it. We just have to be aware that we need to be saved. Stop being abused and help others to stop being abused.
The 5 symptoms of spiritual abuse. Part 1.
Spiritual abuse can be defined as the maltreatment of church-goers by church leaders. There are many examples of this, especially in more cult-like groups. But could the elements of obvious cases exist within more mainstream churches?
We are going to look at five symptoms that exist in someone that is experiencing spiritual abuse. We will see that a person that experiences these things will often not know that it is occuring but will continue togo about there lives feeling that this is the cross they have to bear.
1. Spiritual guilt - Guilt for not meeting the spiritual standards of the group or church. Many times this can manifest itself in how you feel about a particular task or assignment. Guilt will arise if you feel bad about not wanting to do the task or if you do it, it is not as good as you would like it. You also may be afraid as to how others will look upon you and your progress as a believer. You may be afraid others will think you have a lack of faith for an incomplete or not done task. These standards are set primarily by church leadership or the spiritual atmosphere.
2. Low spiritual confidence - This would be in your ability to understand the bible and/or spiritual things. Many church leaders would place their understanding of the bible/spirituality above yours due to many things. It may include years of experience, education, associations, family ties, friendly ties, dreams, visions, or gifts. There may be subtle references to their superior knowledge or your weak faith and the need to strengthen it. Your environment may not allow contrary comments on presented information.
3. Loss of individuality - Your spiritual activities will be the same as your peers. Often a person experiencing this will be following an accepted path of activity within the church or group. Diverging from this path could mean ostracism or marking. This is also a very subtle symptom. You may be thinking that the activities you are involved in will keep you out of trouble. You may also think that being united in mindset is proof of divine support. Some things that may begin to align with your peers would be the way you dress, your haircut, your cars, your home, your job, or your food. These things are not who you are but what you prefer.
4. Rigid hierarchical alignment - Your spiritual goals are oriented to the groups spiritual structure. For example, if within the structure of the church, there are different positions that are little more prominent than parishoner that have a little responsibility, then that is a goal set out for you. You would never be given the option of personal expression to possibly work outside of the group unless its within the capacity of the church. You also are aware of the order of things and who disciplines those in the church or group. If the decisions for the church do not originate from the top locally, there may be a branch or division that "helps" the group with the more difficult functions. Members will usually become aware of this as needed. The hierarchical arrangement is the spiritual mechanics that is laid out for the members and it usually has God sitting at the top.
5. Loss of Jesus speech - Primarily a Christian thing. Jesus name is rarely used in spiritual discussions. Yes you may hear his name a lot and know he is in the context but he is not brought up in anyway to assist you with any of the above.
Experiencing these things goes unnoticed for many people because they are often told, by church leadership, to be selfless. This would be selfless in a way that is recognized within their particular structure. If listened to, a pathway opens up into your heart with those words and the ability to motivate you by the symptoms begins. Love should motivate a giving heart. The above symptoms sets up obligation as a motivator which in turn builds up an obedient follower and subtley places fleshly things in front of Christ. We will never be able to love God with our whole heart, soul, body, and mind if our mind is telling us we are not good enough.
My suggested solution is a Christian one although spiritual abuse exists in every religion. All of the above can be avoided but not easily. Like any abusive relationship, it is easy to know what to do. Its just the doing that is the difficult part. Your scared for yourself, for your family, for your salvation.
First thing is to pray, pray, and pray some more.
Number five says there is a loss of Jesus speech. Add him back into your speech to help make sure that he is your example and focus. Then look at how to see the other four things differently with Jesus involved.(continued in Part 2)
We are going to look at five symptoms that exist in someone that is experiencing spiritual abuse. We will see that a person that experiences these things will often not know that it is occuring but will continue togo about there lives feeling that this is the cross they have to bear.
1. Spiritual guilt - Guilt for not meeting the spiritual standards of the group or church. Many times this can manifest itself in how you feel about a particular task or assignment. Guilt will arise if you feel bad about not wanting to do the task or if you do it, it is not as good as you would like it. You also may be afraid as to how others will look upon you and your progress as a believer. You may be afraid others will think you have a lack of faith for an incomplete or not done task. These standards are set primarily by church leadership or the spiritual atmosphere.
2. Low spiritual confidence - This would be in your ability to understand the bible and/or spiritual things. Many church leaders would place their understanding of the bible/spirituality above yours due to many things. It may include years of experience, education, associations, family ties, friendly ties, dreams, visions, or gifts. There may be subtle references to their superior knowledge or your weak faith and the need to strengthen it. Your environment may not allow contrary comments on presented information.
3. Loss of individuality - Your spiritual activities will be the same as your peers. Often a person experiencing this will be following an accepted path of activity within the church or group. Diverging from this path could mean ostracism or marking. This is also a very subtle symptom. You may be thinking that the activities you are involved in will keep you out of trouble. You may also think that being united in mindset is proof of divine support. Some things that may begin to align with your peers would be the way you dress, your haircut, your cars, your home, your job, or your food. These things are not who you are but what you prefer.
4. Rigid hierarchical alignment - Your spiritual goals are oriented to the groups spiritual structure. For example, if within the structure of the church, there are different positions that are little more prominent than parishoner that have a little responsibility, then that is a goal set out for you. You would never be given the option of personal expression to possibly work outside of the group unless its within the capacity of the church. You also are aware of the order of things and who disciplines those in the church or group. If the decisions for the church do not originate from the top locally, there may be a branch or division that "helps" the group with the more difficult functions. Members will usually become aware of this as needed. The hierarchical arrangement is the spiritual mechanics that is laid out for the members and it usually has God sitting at the top.
5. Loss of Jesus speech - Primarily a Christian thing. Jesus name is rarely used in spiritual discussions. Yes you may hear his name a lot and know he is in the context but he is not brought up in anyway to assist you with any of the above.
Experiencing these things goes unnoticed for many people because they are often told, by church leadership, to be selfless. This would be selfless in a way that is recognized within their particular structure. If listened to, a pathway opens up into your heart with those words and the ability to motivate you by the symptoms begins. Love should motivate a giving heart. The above symptoms sets up obligation as a motivator which in turn builds up an obedient follower and subtley places fleshly things in front of Christ. We will never be able to love God with our whole heart, soul, body, and mind if our mind is telling us we are not good enough.
My suggested solution is a Christian one although spiritual abuse exists in every religion. All of the above can be avoided but not easily. Like any abusive relationship, it is easy to know what to do. Its just the doing that is the difficult part. Your scared for yourself, for your family, for your salvation.
First thing is to pray, pray, and pray some more.
Number five says there is a loss of Jesus speech. Add him back into your speech to help make sure that he is your example and focus. Then look at how to see the other four things differently with Jesus involved.(continued in Part 2)
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